Ep 21: Kim Korven The Conflict Queen

It’s sad that society today doesn’t give much importance to learning conflict resolution skills and handling our emotions, which is unfortunate because they are constants in our lives. Not having the skillset to handle conflict and emotions can lead to personal issues such as not knowing how to say “no” and somehow agreeing to a suspicious timeshare presentation in Mexico, which is exactly what happened to our guest in this episode.

Today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Kim Korven, AKA The Conflict Queen. Kim went from becoming a lawyer to a mediator and now she helps businesses and families across North America and Europe see the intrinsic benefit in transforming relationships through creating customized, fair solutions.  

“At the heart of so many conflicts is shame… whether it's the shame we are feeling ourselves or shaming someone else.” – Meghan Thomas

Three ideas we explore and discuss in this episode:

• Role of emotions in conflict
• The need for conflict resolution skills
• Dealing with conflict within the family

Kim shares her fascinating journey. Having always been a sensitive child and feeling misunderstood by her family that doesn’t “do emotions” and after several shameful experiences, she had shut down her emotions as a coping mechanism, even going as far as believing that crying was a sign of weakness. In a way of reclaiming herself, she studied law, which she thought was the perfect way of solving problems: objectivity without emotions, and she went on to have an on again off again relationship with practicing law. She later became a mediator, and she now spends her time helping families and businesses in the middle of a conflict they don’t know how to solve reach a win-win place for all parties involved.

Kim shares practical tips on how to handle the inevitable conflict with family for this coming holiday season. From diverting the conversation when a polarizing topic comes up at the dinner table, to recognizing that when you’re on someone else’s turf, it’s their rules, and focusing on what you’re grateful for in a person and how to communicate that to them.

More relatable though, are the stories she shared about how she personally handled conflict within her own family. She’s had socio-political disagreements with her father, but she has decided that her relationship with him was more important than changing his mind. She had a situation with her mother over banana pancakes and waffles, where she recognized that she was, indeed, the one who was invading her mother’s kitchen. And how she explains to her children her mother’s stress over greyhound fur whenever they come visit.

This episode is full of nuggets of wisdom, aha moments, beautiful metaphors, and stories that will make us look into ourselves and reflect.

“When you treat people right, without any expectation of getting a reward back, it can shift everything.” - Kim Korven

Connect with Kim Korven:

Website

Instagram

P.S. Want to dive deeper into your personal Emotional Expedition? Join me and an intimate group for an 8 week LIVE virtual book study of Brené Brown's book, Atlas of the Heart. This book will be our roadmap to understanding ourselves & others better, learning the language to better express ourselves & ask for what we need, and coming together in community & connection. For more information: Atlas of the Heart Book Study