Ep 15: How Are You Responding to Comparison?

Comparison finds its way into many emotionally charged conversations, but in and of itself, it’s not even an emotion that we feel. Comparison does stir mounds of emotion within us, some for the better, but it’s more often associated with bringing out the worst side of people.

“Comparison is the thief of joy”, always finds its way into the conversation when we look at someone’s best highlight moment and compare it to our boring, uneventful, sometimes slippery slope of moments we’re just trying to live through.

Today the deep dive is comparison, which is taking us into Chapter 2 of Brene Brown’s book, Atlas of the Heart. For this episode, I want to carefully explore all the internal places comparison takes us to and leave you with practical steps and resources you can use to create healthier responses to comparison.

“When we compare, we want to have the best or be the best of our group.”  Brené Brown

 Comparison is definitely a double-edged sword in more ways than one. First, it’s something we do intentionally and unintentionally. We want to fit in, but we also want to be the best.

Key points on comparison we explore in this episode:

• The pain of coming in second place is real
• Comparison is something that happens to us, be kind with yourself when you catch yourself doing it
• If we allow it, comparison will also rob you of creativity
• The effects of upward comparison vs. downward comparison
• Jay Shetty’s 7 ways to stop comparing yourself

It feels super unfair when we compare ourselves to others. Someone is always more “er” - smarter, richer, happier, prettier, skinnier, - which can leave you on the side of feeling discontent and dissatisfied or superior and better. Comparison can direct you towards more positive emotions and healthier responses once you are aware. You have to be aware that it’s happening, be able to check in with your body and your mind to see how it’s making you feel and make the conscious decision to be inspired or motivated, or filled with gratitude and compassion.

“If you don't define what success means to you, you'll be forced to use the definition of others.”

Self Work for Digging Deeper: 

• Try a social media detox 
• Taking the strength finder assessment from Gallup or 
• Jay Shetty’s Reflected Best Self Exercise 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown

Strengths Finder

Stretch by Scott Sonenshein 

On Purpose with Jay Shetty 

Unlocking Us with Brené Brown Podcast

P.S. Want to dive deeper into your personal Emotional Expedition? Join me and an intimate group for an 8 week LIVE virtual book study of Brené Brown's book, Atlas of the Heart. This book will be our roadmap to understanding ourselves & others better, learning the language to better express ourselves & ask for what we need, and coming together in community & connection. For more information: Atlas of the Heart Book Study