Ep 9: Live Better with Fear

Fear comes in at the strangest times and kicks into high gear when we’re least expecting it, in a space of creativity, and challenging ourselves to grow. Experiencing fear doesn’t have to be negative. In today’s episode I’m cracking open the book of vulnerability and sharing not only incredible resources from people like Brene Brown and Liz Gilbert, I’m also sharing my personal experiences with fear.

Taking steps towards a bigger version of you requires that fear be present. Every time I step into the unknown and do the things that scare me most, like starting this podcast, I choose to use my fear as my compass, which lets me know I am on the right track, expanding and growing.

Tools & Reframes to Help You Overcome Fear

Having the right tools when you need them is key to managing healthy emotional responses. The first tool comes from Elizabeth Gilbert and at the end of this episode we’re going to put this tool into practice right away. In her book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Liz writes a letter to fear. This is about creating space for fear, acknowledging it, not pushing it away, not ignoring it, but welcoming it along for the ride. There’s power in acknowledging it and allowing it to have a voice, while knowing you will not allow it to make decisions or drive the vehicle. I have made this letter to fear my mantra for life. 

In Brene Brown’s book, Atlas of the Heart, we’re reminded that fear is a natural protective response and to our brains, physical and emotional pain all feel the same way. Practice recognizing what you’re afraid of and choose to be brave anyway.

Another helpful tool to deal with fear and learning about emotional suppression is Susan David’s book Emotional Agility. So many of us try to ignore our fear, and in reality, by avoiding and suppressing our fears, we make them bigger and stronger in time. We end up being controlled by fear rather than having control over it. Give yourself permission to feel the fear without suppressing it.

“Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story” -Cheryl Strayed

The last tool I’ll share here is from Marie Forleo’s simple test to decipher between fear and intuition. When we’re faced with opportunity, it’s sometimes difficult to know if you’re wanting to say no because fear is kicking in or if you’re saying no because your gut is saying this isn’t right for you. Close your eyes and settle down, then ask yourself with total awareness to how your body responds. Does it feel expansive, light and joyful or is it more dread, despair and a heaviness there?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous.” -Marianne Williamson 

This Week’s Tool to Help You With Fear Comes from Elizabeth Gilbert:

We are going to write a letter from our fear.

• Step 1: Write your name, for example, Dear Meg this is your fear and I want you to know….
• Allow your fear to write a letter to you 
• Ask your fear what you are terrified about and listen with respect
• Identify the two or three things at the root of your fear
• Ask your fear what it wants, what it doesn’t want and why it’s holding you back from what your creativity
• Step 2: Read the letter with an open mind and open heart
• Step 3: Write a letter back to your fear with love, kindness, and gratitude for its thoughts and contributions 

Resources from this episode:

Atlas of the Heart Book Study

Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Fear and Other Uninvited Guests by Harriet Lerner

Bittersweet by Susan Cain

Emotional Agility by Susan David

Wild by Cheryl Strayed

P.S. Want to dive deeper into your personal Emotional Expedition? Join me and an intimate group for an 8 week LIVE virtual book study of Brené Brown's book, Atlas of the Heart. This book will be our roadmap to understanding ourselves & others better, learning the language to better express ourselves & ask for what we need, and coming together in community & connection. For more information: Atlas of the Heart Book Study