Ep 26: Exploring the Root of Resentment

In Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart, resentment is defined as “the feeling of frustration, judgment, anger, better than, and/or hidden envy related to perceived unfairness or Injustice.” And in this episode, we’ll dive deeper into this emotion.

What can we learn about resentment? Here are three points we discuss:

• Resentment comes from envy 
• How resentment plays in relationships and family dynamics 
• Resentment is detrimental to us, but might not even affect the person we feel resentment toward 

“To be able to be honest about how we’re feeling with someone we care about is one of the most vulnerable and courageous things we can do.”

What causes resentment? A lot of factors play into us feeling this emotion. It can be failing to communicate our boundaries, needs, and expectations. Saying “yes” to things we never should have agreed to. Not letting yourself fulfill a need you have. Suppressing your thoughts and feelings. There might be a myriad of factors and causes, but at the heart of all this is envy.

What can you do when you recognize resentment in yourself? The first thing is to try to identify what’s causing your resentment. Is there an unfulfilled need? What are you envious of? What are your expectations? The important thing is to first identify them so you can deal with them. Another thing to do is to see the other person and recognize that just like you, they’re human with their own flaws, needs, and desires. This will help you better come from a space of compassion and empathy. Then you need to forgive and let go.

“Instead of sitting at your desk, fuming and stewing in irritation, you can choose to see the other person’s humanity. They truly are just like you. They feel the same emotions, they have the same fears, and they want the same things.”

In the end, resentment harms us and only us. It causes friction in our relationships. It makes us bitter. It blocks our creativity. It worsens our health. And it prevents us from experiencing joy. How we choose to deal with our emotions is on us. So now I ask you, what will you do the next time you feel resentment?

Journal prompts for when you're feeling resentful:

• What or who is triggering this feeling of resentment inside me? 
• What do I need but am afraid to ask for? 
• Have I shared my true feelings with the person who needs to hear them? Why or why not? 
• Is there a need I can meet for myself? 
• Is there a boundary that I need to set? 
• How can I move this energy through my body? 

Resources:

Atlas of the Heart Book Club: https://www.meghanthomas.com/atlas-of-the-heart

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown: https://amzn.to/3IDyzci

Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion by Pema Chodron: https://amzn.to/3GqlP6d

Heart Talk by Cleo Wade:  https://amzn.to/3vOtaHK