Ep 1: The Journey Begins

Show Notes:

If I were to ask you what it means to understand your emotions what would you say?

For many of us, talking about or even thinking about our feelings is not something we want to do. Or maybe you’re in the other camp and have been doing the work required to really understand what it means to feel your feelings.

Either way, this podcast episode is going to be helpful. As a sensitive person I grew up feeling all the things, but I was often told by well-meaning adults to stop feeling them and behave.

To cope as best I could, I created emotional walls so no one could see the parts I had learned to be ashamed of. I kept others out and myself in. Sound familiar? As adults the lesson I heard was that emotions have no place at (fill in the blank) work, school, etc.

This doesn’t work. I know that now and I’m sure you do as well. Which brings us to the question; what do we do now? That’s going to take some unpacking and it’s why I created this podcast.

We can learn what it means to identify and name our emotions. It starts with learning the language of emotions. Did you know most people can only name 3? Happy, sad and angry. When we know the true definitions of what we are feeling then it’s possible to make sense of them.

This podcast is a place to see where we need to know more, and the path to understanding. It’s a journey for me and, I hope, for you too.

In this first episode I share my personal story about how I got here and why this work is so important to me. I grew up in a family that just didn’t talk about feelings at all. As a kid with no control and no way to express my feelings, they ended up impacting me physically.

You may have a similar story. For me it became about being perfect. All the time. Talk about pressure! Obviously, this didn’t work and the more I craved control, the more elusive it became.

At the age of 22, I had a major medical trauma that I can now see was the beginning of my personal journey of transformation. That journey is on-going. I’m sharing my story of how I was able to recognize the physical impact of not expressing emotions. It was so serious that at one point, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be healthy again.

Thankfully with the help of medical doctors and therapy I was able to begin healing emotionally and physically. Which brings me back to how this podcast is here to help me continue that healing journey and help you too.

I’m a huge Brené Brown fan. I’ve been soaking up her work since seeing her on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday in 2013. I took a course that year where she had us draw a heart and put the names of the people who belong in our innermost heart. These are the people that we can be our messiest, most broken selves and they will love us and empathize with us. Hear how a recent note from the training I took in 2013 led to a big aha about who I can trust with my most personal feelings and stories.

Brené’s most recent book Atlas of the Heart has become a roadmap, a compass to guide me. It continues to expand my knowledge of emotions. It has forced me to learn (and re-learn) what it means to truly acknowledge my feelings.

Most importantly, it gives me a language for identifying and expressing how I feel. Once I could do that, I began having the courage to share my emotions with others.

Here are a few things from Atlas of the Heart that we’ll explore on the podcast:

• The connections between how people think, behave and feel. Once we master this, then we understand everything!
• Our connection with other people is only as solid and deep as our connection to ourselves. In order for me to be connected to you, I have to know who I am, I have to be connected to myself.
• You are not going to believe this one. If you touch a hot burner on the stove the pain centers that light up in your brain are the exact same pain centers that light up if you feel socially excluded, rejected or isolated. We neurobiologically process emotional pain the same way we process physical pain. Let me say that again, emotional pain and physical pain show up in the brain the same way!
• Trying to stuff all of our emotions into 3 boxes: happy, sad or angry is a huge problem. It does not deepen our connection with ourselves or others. There is a huge difference between being sad when what you are really feeling is grief, disappointment, or disconnected.

Out of that place, this podcast was born. The emotional journey combining knowledge, integration, body and releasing. Transformation. 

Why does language matter?

I’m going to cover this in detail but for now, it’s important to know that when we can’t accurately explain what we are feeling (and many of us have never learned how to do that) we are often disconnected from ourselves and our bodies.

Words matter. When we use accurate labels to describe how it is we are feeling we are able to transform what feels like a murky experience into something with boundaries and a name. There is a world of difference between stress and feeling disappointed or feeling unsupported but we often use the word stressed to mean all 3 and more.

One of the unfortunate results is a common default to forced false positivity. When we say things like good vibes only or just be positive what we are really saying is my comfort is more important than your reality and this stops us from understanding what others are actually experiencing.

Language allows us to make sense of what we experience. It’s not just a way to communicate to others what we are feeling. It also changes the shape and affect and EMOTION of what we are feeling. When we mislabel things, it changes our experience of them. Our understanding of our own and others emotions is shaped by how we perceive, categorize and describe emotional experiences-and these interpretations rely heavily on language. 

We store trauma in the body. I feel like I’ve known this forever, but I didn’t always understand what to do with that knowledge. We store emotions in our physical being. If we don’t release them, they will show up in unexpected ways like dis-ease or rage.

The good news is that we can help release these stored emotions, often reducing or eliminating physical issues as well. That’s another topic we’ll be discussing often in future episodes.

It is my intention that this podcast becomes a place of transformation for all of us. I am sharing my story and the story of others as well. I will also be showing you the tools I use to make it possible to connect more deeply with ourself and each other.

We are on the journey together and I hope you’ll join me. I believe that there is something more true that lives on the other side of understanding and exploring our emotions with curiosity and a true desire to heal.

Resources:

• Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
• Emotional Agility by Susan David
• Finding Me: A Memoir by Viola Davis
  

P.S. Want to dive deeper into your personal Emotional Expedition? Join me and an intimate group for an 8 week LIVE virtual book study of Brené Brown's book, Atlas of the Heart. This book will be our roadmap to understanding ourselves & others better, learning the language to better express ourselves & ask for what we need, and coming together in community & connection. For more information: Atlas of the Heart Book Study